Pit Of My Stomach

“Pitted”
Self-Portrait, October 2021

It starts with a sinking feeling.

The feeling of a heart being released into the nothingness around it. I wonder if one can hear a heart collapsing in on itself if one was quiet enough. Does it make a sound when it falls down? Does it make a sound when the collapse creates an empty pit where once there was a person?

This emptiness inside us can be so consuming…

Heartbreak has left its mark on all of us in its own unique way and still we walk around as if the marks on our soul are nonexistent. Yet in moments of true vulnerability a soul can be shown without pretense and without a mask…

During such moments we might be able to catch a glimpse of the soul in its purest light. We might be able to catch a glimpse of the gaping pit that is concealed in our torsos. The pit that is made when the heart falls.

A heart will never make it through life without falling and breaking. To walk through life unscathed is to walk through life without truly living and risking all for love. A pit is a sign of existence, we all hold one within us.

However we are more than the missing pieces. We are more than the moments that have broken us. There may be a pit in your stomach, but it will not consume you. You are bigger than the painful moments in your story.

The heart will fall, but what’s important is to remember that in time one can learn to pick it up again. We’ll eventually be able to reach into the pit and pull out a beating heart that is ready to tell the next chapter of the story.

The pit may change the heart…but a heart will continue to beat in the face of even the most painful moments.

Until Next Time,
Lillian Merritt