The days have been passing beautifully, though quite quickly, which is why I haven’t been able to post the past few days reflections. It has been eleven days since I deleted social media and in all honesty there are many hours that pass where I completely forget social media exists. I have discovered that you can indeed live without social media.
On Friday we had the most beautiful rainbow that was completely full and so very vibrant. Then on Saturday we had snow. There is something so refreshing about nature and the beauty it brings in such variety. Yet, snow is something so otherworldly and magical, at least for me. It has always drawn me in like nothing else and I have a feeling that it always will. My favorite view of falling snow is looking up into the grey sky and watching the flakes slipping out of the clouds.
Feeling utterly free from the draw of social media (even though I am realizing there are some people I would like to still have contact with), I have been spending so much time reading. Especially “Jane Eyre” by Charlotte Bronte. It is the most beautifully written book and speaks so loudly to my heart. Even on the fourth or fifth time reading it from cover to cover, I am still finding new sentences and scenes that captivate my attention.
I really am amazed at how much time I’ve found for reading. Time that I would just be spending on social media is spent actually engaging my mind. Not only with fiction books, but nonfiction as well. I no longer feel as if I am wasting hours of time, even if I am reading, I know that I am spending my time wisely.
There have been a few moments this week where I have felt as if I have made a few small, intentional steps in the right way with Strength Of Atlantis. I’ve actually crossed a couple things off of my to do list and feel good about the fact that I am doing something productive. But there is much more needed and in the coming days I hope to accomplish that. It’s just rather hard because I work on my business usually after I get back from work and a lot of the time the only thing I want to do is crawl into bed.
Which brings me to sleep which I still have not been getting a lot of. The reasons are still unknown to me, but I’m beginning to think that it’s from overthinking. Before I deleted social media I would just numb myself by scrolling so when I got into bed I suppose my mind was just so dulled I went right to bed. Now that I don’t have social media, I’m beginning to believe it’s leading to more thoughts and more intrusive thoughts I suppose. I may need to learn how to rein in my mind and keep myself from succumbing to the dangerous spiral of overthinking each and every thing I do.
Hope is one of the most frustrating and complex emotions to exist I believe. It exists like a shadow within the heart and it beats softly, almost like the faint brush of a spring breeze. There it dwells tucked within the folds of our hearts, living consistently every day even when the odds are against it. Hope goes on even when we have convinced ourselves there is no hope. Even when our minds have been made up and we have given ourselves over to the fact that there is no hope for whatever it is we had been holding on to, it still persists. How frustrating it is to resolve yourself entirely to the notion that there is no hope and still feel it whispering to you from the depths of your being. Foolish, foolish thing. Foolishly burning within your ribs to the point where the heat seems to be keeping each beat of your heart filled with life. Where would we be without it? Yet where are we with it still hidden away?
We may not even realize it is there. Having been so made up in our minds to give up hope, we may continue for some time without the faintest belief that there is hope, yet when we slow down enough and turn our attention inwards, it is there. Hope clings to us just as much as we cling to it. We cannot be separated from her warm and sharp grasp. It is there in those hands we find comfort, motivation, and the desire to continue. It is there in those hands we find sorrow, bitterness, and disappointment. Hope is our greatest ally and our greatest enemy. She is brutal and delicate. We wish her to leave and still she remains, a constant reminder that our head and our heart will never see eye to eye. There will always be a lack of connection between those two vital organs because they can pull us in two directions. Hope may rise against the very wishes of our mind and that is the way we must learn to live.
Often we must learn to live with the difficult things. Both the good and the bad. The comfortable and the uncomfortable. The blessings and the curses. We must learn to bear it all nobly and continue on into the future.
Until Next Time,