My Disappearance

“My Disappearance”
Self-Portrait, August 2022

Have you ever felt the desire to disappear?

The urge to simply slip into a giant veil of nothingness and vanish from the complexities and harsh realities of life? 

I certainly have. In fact, I’ve spent the majority of this year with the urge to escape from anything and everything. 

This desire to escape usually ends with avoidance. We want to disappear because we are trying to avoid something. For me, I wanted to avoid the guilt I was feeling over wasted time and I wanted to avoid certain responsibilities of life because of a touch of fear. I wanted to vanish and in a way, I did. I removed all effort and action from my life in an attempt to disappear and months later came to a startling, but unsurprising, discovery. In avoiding my problems, they got bigger and more pronounced. 

Avoiding my guilt of wasted time only lead to more wasted time. Avoiding responsibilities only lead to them becoming bigger and more time sensitive. Avoidance did not get rid of my problems, instead it only intensified them.  I avoided my way out of becoming a better version of who I am. Disappearance was never the answer, and I can truly see that from where I stand today. 

There’s probably something you’re avoiding in your own life. You too want to make an escape from it, maybe not to the point of disappearance, but avoidance is there inside all of us. Nothing good comes with avoidance. 

The cure?

Action. 

Action is the cure to avoidance. Steps taken with purpose in the direction of the very thing you are avoiding will result in its accomplishment. 

Or so I am learning. I am in the process of emerging from my desire to disappear. I am working on removing the tendency to be avoidant from my life and it is bloody hard work. Yet, I’m tired of wasting my life and shrinking away from responsibilities. Life is filled with problems and harsh realities, avoiding them doesn’t make it any less so.

I cannot avoid my way out of problems and neither can you. 

Action is the cure to avoidance. Action guarantees that time will not be wasted and responsibilities will be taken care of. 

What action can you take today to help you overcome avoidance in your life?

Best,
Lillian Merritt